Al Franken (D Minnesota) used to be a comedian.  If you grew up watching Saturday Night Live, you know that before he turned into a bitter, sarcastic crank, he was actually pretty funny.

Given his pedigree, you’d think he’d understand one of comedy’s basic truths.   If you stand there, explaining the joke in a slow, labored, monotone voice, you pretty much guarantee that  it’s not going to be funny. 

Here’s Al, making sure that a cartoon is understood by the simple people of the nation he serves.   Please keep in mind,  this stark reminder that Franken’s funnyman days are behind him cost the taxpayers $174,000.00, plus the price of comic enlargements.

Still awake? Impressive.  We’re sure Franken’s Senate comrades enjoy being treated like a bunch of adorable little morons, just as much as we do.

- Robert Laurie

You’re going to hear a lot about the fact that 290,000 people were hired in April. The administration is touting the number as evidence of the overwhelming success meeting their policies. Unfortunately, as usual with Obama’s numbers, all is not as it seems.

First of all, 66,000 of those jobs are temp jobs created by hiring census workers, leaving about 230,000 new hires in the private sector. That’s all well and good, but the unemployment rate actually rose two points in April, from 9.7% to 9.9%. Why? Well, it seems that some of those people who had previously stopped looking for work, and were no longer receiving unemployment benefits, have run out of cash and are resuming their job search.

So, while 230,000 new jobs were created, there are now more people fighting for them. In fact, the actual unemployment rate (the one that includes people who have given up on their quest for work) has now risen to a whopping 17.1 percent.

So, here’s hoping America is enjoying the “new normal” presented by the Obama administration.  As the actual unemployment rate continues to creep skyward, remember, it’s all just part of ”spreading the wealth around.”

- Robert Laurie

In the old days, when there was an Earthquake, Al Gore’s environmental crowd was there to tell us how it was caused by pollution – an obvious afront to Gaia.  Then, insane Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez revealed that the U.S. military was causing them with its Earthquake Gun.

Scientists stayed on the sidelines of the debate, but remained in their labs, working feverishly to determine which theory an ignorant populace would be willing to buy.

Now, thanks to the logic provided by a senior Iranian Muslim cleric, we may have a definitive answer.  It is neither God nor machine that is rattling the planet.  It’s sexy chicks.

“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society,” senior cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi told the Iranian media, ”which increases earthquakes.”

It seems so obvious when he says it.

In his Friday sermon, Sedighi suggested that if women don’t cover up, we’re all headed for big trouble.  “What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?  There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam’s moral codes.”

So ladies, you heard the man.  No more “immodest” clothing.  Burn the Victoria’s Secret card and all of your bathing suits because, if you don’t, the world will not be able to withstand the effects of your hotness. 

Repent, and God may protect you, however.

“If a natural earthquake hits Tehran, no one will be able to confront such a calamity but God’s power, only God’s power. … So let’s not disappoint God.”

Wise words from a man who is clearly, very, very smart.

- Robert Laurie

Keith Olbermann’s head may just explode, because now he’s got two networks to rant about! 

Later this summer, we’ll see the launch of the “Right Network,” a station designed to drive the hate filled MSNBC crackpots over the edge. 

Here’s a couple of launch videos,  one featuring the station’s frontman, Kelsey Grammer….

- Robert laurie

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s something fishy about Barack Obama’s birth certificate.

In 2008, he didn’t want to release it.  After being pressed, he released a “Certificate Of Live Birth” – a document that is not a birth certificate.

The media lapped it up and moved on.

Birthers, those folks who think Barry was born in Kenya, thereby making him ineligible for the presidency, maintain that there’s a conspiracy.

Me?  I think we’ve seen enough cagey birth-cert related behavior to suggest that something’s amiss and, if this was a Republican President, the press would NEVER stop investigating it.  Am I convinced that the birthers are right – that the great and powerful Obama is not a natural citizen?  No, and until I see some evidence to the contrary, I’m going to accept the official story.  Obama was born right here in the good ‘ol U.S. of A.

Maybe if there was someone close to the President making the Kenya claim – someone in a position to know – maybe I’d think differently.

Fortunately, there’s not, and as far as I can tell, there never will be.

This recently discovered video is from 2008.  Obviously, the notion that Obama’s home country is Kenya can be written off as a slip of the tongue or teleprompter error, right?  I mean, it couldn’t have been a Freudian slip, could it?  Of course not.

Note to Michelle.  When you’re trying to squash a rumor, this is not the way to go about it.

- Robert Laurie

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs descending the steps of Air Force One, reading material in hand. 

If you zoom in closely, you’ll see that he’s carrying “Star Wars – A Pop Up Guide To The Galaxy.”

In times like these, it’s good to know that Gibbs has a weighty tome of military history with him. This particular volume chronicles, in a papery three-dimensional format, both the Clone Wars and the Rebellion against the Empire.  Since we know Obama is never going to approve Reagan’s version of Star Wars, we can only assume the administration wants to know how to turn a Republic into an Empire, and then learn how to defend it against an eventual Rebellion.

It’s all about the exhaust ports, Mr. Gibbs.

On the bright side, at least we’ll be prepared if we find out Bin Laden’s desert cave is on Tatooine.

- Robert Laurie

There’s been another act of wanton violence perpetrated by crazy, religioned-up, right wingers.  I ask you, when will the madness end?

This time, Cincinnati Democrat Rep. Steve Driehaus, is claiming that someone threw a rock rock through his office window.  The only problem is that Driehaus’s office is on the 30th floor.

Seriously, Dems, if you’re going to make this crap up, at least, y’know, try a little harder.

Police are currently searching for the man with the miracle arm, hoping to give him a slap on the wrist and a Reds contract.

- Robert Laurie

For those of you asking for proof,  here’s a link to the Seattle Times article quoting Driehaus’ spokesman regarding the claim.

Protesters have been demonstrating at Driehaus’ Ohio home, said Tim Mulvey, a spokesman for the anti-abortion Democrat who joined Stupak in voting for the health bill. A rock was thrown through the window of Driehaus’ Cincinnati office Sunday, and a death threat was phoned in to his Washington office a day later, Mulvey said.

“It’s getting out of hand,” Mulvey said.

Oh, and to the whiners who are emailing me, claiming that’s not an actual photo of Driehaus’ building?   You’re right.  My jokey photo with added text is a specious lie.  Just like the claims of your Representative.

If you’re anything like me, the idea of being enslaved to an insurance company is less than thrilling. 

For my complete thoughts on last night’s health care vote, please head on over to The Daily Caller.

When you’re done with my piece, you’ll find more good stuff at HOTAIR and at  MichelleMalkin.com

- Robert Laurie

As the President rams health care down our throats, his approval rating continues to plummet.

According to Rasmussen only 43% of those polled approve of Barack Obama’s job performance.

To put that in perspective, George Bush didn’t sink that low until the end of 2006 - that was AFTER
committing the US to an unpopular war, the WMD fiasco, and costing Republicans control of Congress.

Furthermore, Obama’s disapproval now sits at 56% – a number Bush also achieved in the last quarter of 2006.

So congratulations to the Democrats. 

Obama has done  in just 13 months what it took George Bush six years to accomplish!

- Robert Laurie

Not content to simply alienate our allies, we’ve now decided to kill their mothers.

Wednesday night, during the White House St. Patrick’s Day celebration, Joe Biden was tasked with introducing Irish Prime Minister, Brian Cowen.  Unable to let the opportunity to say something stupid pass him by, Biden asked God to bless the soul of Cowen’s dear, departed mother.

It might have been a sweet moment, had she actually been deceased.

As it is, Mrs. Cowen is very much alive.

Seriously.  Aren’t there people who are supposed to brief Biden on these things?  If they’re not going to do that, at least hire someone to put a muzzle on him.  That mouth of his is getting ridiculous.

- Robert Laurie