In the old days, when there was an Earthquake, Al Gore’s environmental crowd was there to tell us how it was caused by pollution – an obvious afront to Gaia.  Then, insane Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez revealed that the U.S. military was causing them with its Earthquake Gun.

Scientists stayed on the sidelines of the debate, but remained in their labs, working feverishly to determine which theory an ignorant populace would be willing to buy.

Now, thanks to the logic provided by a senior Iranian Muslim cleric, we may have a definitive answer.  It is neither God nor machine that is rattling the planet.  It’s sexy chicks.

“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society,” senior cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi told the Iranian media, ”which increases earthquakes.”

It seems so obvious when he says it.

In his Friday sermon, Sedighi suggested that if women don’t cover up, we’re all headed for big trouble.  “What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?  There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam’s moral codes.”

So ladies, you heard the man.  No more “immodest” clothing.  Burn the Victoria’s Secret card and all of your bathing suits because, if you don’t, the world will not be able to withstand the effects of your hotness. 

Repent, and God may protect you, however.

“If a natural earthquake hits Tehran, no one will be able to confront such a calamity but God’s power, only God’s power. … So let’s not disappoint God.”

Wise words from a man who is clearly, very, very smart.

- Robert Laurie