SNACK ATTACK!  According to the Times-Gazette of ShelbyvilleTennesee, a couple arrested Sunday evening was charged with assault.  The weapon?  Cheetos.

The police report states that the duo were ”involved in a verbal altercation” until things turned ugly.  “Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault.”

Now, I’m not going to argue the point that Cheetos are NOT potato chips, nor am I going to ask if they were puffy or crunchy.  I’m just relieved that there were “no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined.”

Weird.  If I eat Cheetos, my hands are covered in large, orange, physical marks.  These guys are good. 

No word yet on whether the Dems will use the case to advance their agenda of a 5-Day Cheeto waiting period or similar Cheeto-control legislation.

Both participants posted a whopping $2500.00 bond, and will appear in court July 15th.  Here’s hoping they’ve learned a valuable lesson regarding snack-based violence.

-Robert Laurie